I visited an exhibition of MOMA’s 2 days ago and it accidentally matched what I’ve been thinking.
I hardly remembered the exact name of this exhibit, but I think it refers to ‘universal’ and something else. The exhibit is an ongoing creation which requires visitors to write down names based on their height on the wall. It can be seen that the thick dark line in the middle of the wall is actually composed from most of people’s names.
I think the idea of this exhibit is to let us realize the surprising populations and lucky people you might meet who visited the exhibition as well. While from my own experiences, I realized how tiny I am. I’ve been struggling in how to spend a day in life which could make me feel more about my presence, rather than walking dead. I deeply know the preciousness and gratitude of living – a chance to meet people and discover fantastic stories. Perhaps with these pressing eager it also brings me anxious and tense. How can I do something to break out of these daily tasks. How can I do something that I really keen on instead of following ritual. I admit routine is a basis but sometimes it also triggers a sense of meaninglessness. I don’t want to do what I did in last 20 years – trying to be good but failed, hoping to be myself but bullied and finding excuses to make me feel less guilty. I just hope I can be myself without fear from others. I know it’s all up to me.
After struggling for a while, it’s a long time actually with self-indulgence, I decided to let it go. Following routine doesn’t mean to do nothing but take serious altitude to do every small thing peaceful.
Quoting a paragraph I recently read and hope I can keep in mind, ‘What you have to do is live for the day, you have to say, now is life, this very moment. It’s not tomorrow, it’s not yesterday, it’s now, so you have to live it as fully as you can. Invest in every day.’